I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
