I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
