So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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