we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
