"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
