M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
