I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
