i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
