Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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