just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
