I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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