I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize