Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
