I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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