You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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