her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
