Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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