I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
