So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just gargled with NyQuil
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
