I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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