I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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