My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize