remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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