oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
