how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
