If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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