it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
