apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
