when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
