Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
