Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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