Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
