you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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