You're my little dorito
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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