dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
