Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
