distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
