i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize