I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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