btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I deserve this hangover.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
