She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I skipped work to stalk him.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
