Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
