gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
