you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
