I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
