I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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