Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
