I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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