omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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