dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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