Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I love how my cats smell like pot.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
