mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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