Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
