The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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