I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
