Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
