i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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