I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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