If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
