He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
