he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
did i just pee glitter
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
