I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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