i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
