maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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