My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
