I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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