Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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