im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
