I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
