he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
