I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My ATM looks so different sober.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
