and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
3pm strippers are depressing
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
