yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
