Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
