Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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