I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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