Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
