so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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