Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
