Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
