It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
