we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
