Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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