Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
