He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
