I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
